


Do you still Love me?

by Mareep16



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-01 13:11:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4021108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareep16/pseuds/Mareep16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren doesn’t want to believe the worst in Levi, but the truth can’t be avoided.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Not the Only One

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own AOT or any of it's characters.  
> This is my first fic on Ao3. Thanks to everyone for reading.

**_You and me, we made a vow_ **   
**_For better or for worse_ **   
**_I can't believe you let me down_ **   
**_But the proof's in a way it hurts_ **

I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t make myself believe it. Every time I did, my breath would catch in my throat and my vision would blur with unshed tears. My heart felt like it would be ripped out of my chest and stomped on. But I had to face the facts. I had to believe that the person I had loved for all these years was leaving me behind.

It had started as nothing but a one night stand. He was one of Jean’s friends. One I had never met. That was surprising in itself since Jean never left our group unless Marco was involved. Jean was hosting one of his legendary house parties. His parent’s were loaded and were hardly ever home. Jean took every opportunity he could to throw wild parties. I shouldn’t have gone. If I had stayed home with Mikasa, I wouldn’t have my heart broken now, but I hated being told what to do. So I ended up at Jean’s house and then ended up in bed with a hot, short stranger.

Said stranger ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was different than most people you would meet. His bluntness was something I got used to fast. I appreciated it. There were no lies, no sugarcoated words. He was truthful to me and wasn’t afraid to call me out on my stupid ways. Before I could help it, I fell for him. Most people would say we rushed things. Getting married at twenty was frowned upon by most. I was to drunk in love to care.

**_For months on end I've had my doubts_**  
**_Denying every tear_**  
 ** _I wish this would be over now_**  
 ** _But I know that I still need you here_**

We had been married for two years when it started. Levi would text me, telling me that he would be coming home late from work. I didn’t think much about it. Working at minimum wage while renting an apartment, called for overtime. I couldn’t even count how many times I would work more hours than I was scheduled just to be able to put food on the table. So when he started coming home way past his scheduled end time, warning flags didn’t pop up.

The late night shifts became more frequent. Three months passed before I got fed up with it. We’ve fought before but not like that.

**_You say I'm crazy_**  
**_'Cause you don't think I know what you've done_**  
 ** _But when you call me baby_**  
 ** _I know I'm not the only one_**

_“I’m just tired of you coming home at all hours of the night.”_

_“It’s none of your damn business Eren. I’m working and I’m not having this discussion anymore.” Levi snapped. His grey eyes glared at me from across the room. I sighed before giving up. A single thought filled my mind and I couldn’t stop from letting it slip from my lips._

_“Are you…Is there…Is there someone else…” I didn’t want to look up at him. I refused to look into the grey eyes I had fallen for, but I did. Bad idea. He looked at me like I was crazy. Like I was stupid for even thinking such a thing, but in his eyes was sadness and regret. I learned all too fast that the only way to read my husband was by watching his eyes. He was an expert at keeping up the mask of indifference, but he could never hide his emotions._

_“Eren…” He took my hands in his. “Baby, I would never hurt you like that. Why would you even think that? I love you. No one else. Only you. And you are an idiot if you think I would ever cheat on you.”_

I wanted to believe that he wouldn’t hurt me, that I eventually let it slip my mind. His late nights stopped for a while after that. He would come home and everything went back to how it was. It was nice while it lasted.

**_You've been so unavailable_**  
**_Now sadly I know why_**  
 ** _Your heart is unobtainable_**  
 ** _Even though Lord knows you kept mine_**

Everything was fine for six months. I let myself forget the sliver of doubt in my head. That was until he started coming home late again, except it was worse now. He would come home and not even acknowledge that I was there. If I tried to talk he would cut me down with a glare. The love that had once filled those gray eyes was replaced with annoyance. When I tried to get close he would pull away. He wouldn’t let me touch him in anyway, no kisses, no hugs, not even a comforting touch.

**_I have loved you for many years_ **   
**_Maybe I am just not enough_ **   
**_You've made me realize my deepest fear_ **   
**_By lying and tearing us up_ **

Our three year anniversary was fast approaching, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I loved him. I always had and I always will. There won’t be a day that I’ll go without wishing things were different. I started being insecure in everything I did. I couldn’t look myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted. Once upon a time I had been something that Levi could love. Now, I was nothing. Something had gone wrong and now I was nothing but a waste of space. I was nothing to the man I loved with my whole being and It hurt. 

I wanted to confirm my suspicions, so I went to the store Levi worked at. When I look back, I wish I hadn’t.  Blonde hair, muscles, and the size of Captain America, that’s what I would never be. I was never enough for him. I fled the scene as fast as I could.

**_You say I'm crazy_**  
**_'Cause you don't think I know what you've done_**  
 ** _But when you call me baby_**  
 ** _I know I'm not the only one_**  
 ** _I know I'm not the only one_**  
 ** _I know I'm not the only one_**  
 ** _And I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, know_**  
 ** _I know I'm not the only one_**

So here I was, drinking away the pain in my heart. I still didn’t want to believe what I had seen with my own eyes. It shattered my heart every time I thought about the way Levi had smiled up at the taller man. The way that smile stayed on his beautiful face as they kissed. I didn’t want to think. So I took another drink of the almost empty whisky bottle. That’s how he found me, sitting on the living room floor, whisky bottle at my lips as I took another swig. He took a step towards me, concern in those beautiful eyes, eyes that reminded me of a perfect storm. Eyes that I would never trust again, no matter how hard I tried.

“Eren…What’s wrong.” His voice always made me melt, but it only brought rage now. He reached out to grab my hand, but I pulled away.

“Don’t touch me. Don’t fucking touch me.”  The pain I felt in my heart was pushed aside as the anger set in. I stood up as best as I could, the alcohol in my system making me unstable on my feet.

“What the fuck Eren?” He made to help me but I pushed him away.

“I said don’t touch me!” I glared at him and he stepped back. Hurt crossed his features before he composed himself again. I let a bitter laugh escape my mouth as I pushed past the man I once loved. “Don’t pretend you care. I know you’ve been fucking that blond bastard. Don’t pretend you fucking care about me.” I stumbled up to our room. He didn’t follow. I knew he wouldn’t. I threw some clothes in a bag, texting Mikasa to meet me down the street. I couldn’t wait for her in this apartment. The place I called home was nothing but a lie now. I felt none of the warmth it usually comforted me with. I made my way downstairs. Levi was still standing in the stop I had left him. I shook my head and with one last burst of rage, took the wedding ring, I had cherished all this time, off. I threw it over at him, ignoring the look of pain that made its way into his eyes. With one last look at Levi, I left the place I once called home.


	2. I Still Love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi comes to the realization of what he's done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used: I still Love you by Josh Jenkins. Song used in the last chapter: I'm not the only one by Sam Smith. Thank you to everyone who has read this and left kudos or a comment. It really means a lot to know you guys like this story.

**Levi POV**

 

_**We both said some things we didn't mean** _

_**We took our cheap shots, didn't we?** _

_**You grabbed your coat and keys and said** _

_**"I think I need to leave right now"** _

__

In the dark, nothing but a streetlamp to light the room, I sit on the floor next to where Eren was minutes ago. I reach for the whisky bottle, only to realize it’s already been emptied by the one I love. The one I’ll most likely never win back. “Fuck!” in a fit of rage, I toss the bottle at the wall, watching it shatter just like my heart. Just like Eren’s heart. I ran a hand through my hair, pulling at the longer strands, hoping it’ll wake me from the nightmare I walked into. I should have never let Erwin get so close. I felt nothing but hate at the blonde, but it wasn’t as much as the hate I felt towards myself. Eren had been my everything, and I had fucked it up. I couldn’t even come up with a good reason to why I did what I did. The attraction to Erwin was only physical and I should have fought against it. I was weak and with that weakness, came the destruction of my marriage. Everyone had told us that we were too young. No one believed we would make it, and I just showed everyone that they were right. I didn’t even notice when I started crying, but as soon as I did, I started sobbing. My eyes flickered to the gold wedding band lying on the floor, the light from outside reflecting off the still perfect band. My body moved on its own accord and grabbed the ring from its resting place. I couldn’t keep myself up any longer and lay down on the floor. Dirt and germs were the last thing on my mind. I just wanted my Eren back.

 

_**I still love you, darling** _

_**With every inch of my heart** _

_**Even when I don't want to,** _

_**I still love you** _

_**I still love you.** _

 

It had been a week. One week, but it felt like forever. The bed I had been laying in all week became too big. Nights became colder without being wrapped in the arms of my beautiful angel. After Eren left, it had taken me hours to get up and clean the mess I had made. Cleaning up glass had evolved into cleaning every inch of the apartment. As soon as I had nothing left to clean, I laid in bed, hugging Eren’s pillow close. I’m pretty sure I hadn’t moved from the spot all week, and that’s how Isabel found me. She took one look at my pathetic figure and sighed. I closed my eyes and inhaled the fading scent of my lover. The bed shifted as the redhead pulled me up from my pity party and all but pushed me into the shower. I didn’t bother to listen to what she was saying.  I looked in the mirror, only to cringe at what I saw. My raven colored locks were sticking up in all directions. My gray eyes were dull and lifeless. Not to mention they were framed with dark spots from where I hadn’t slept.  I turned away and quickly got in the shower.

_“Where are we going brat?”_

_“It’s a surprise.” The brunet smiled as his eyes glistened with excitement. My heart melted and I couldn’t help the smile that had made its way onto my lips. I let him lead me to a hill in the middle of Shiganshin, in the middle of the night. A single tree grew at the top. He laid down on the grass and laughed as I looked at him in disgust. Laying in dirt was not something I was comfortable with. He shook his head and pulled his sweater off, laying it on the grass next to him. “Come on Levi.” I knew I was fucked when his eyes got wider and his lips turned into a pout. Eren’s puppy dog eyes were something no one on planet earth could deny. I sighed and laid down next to him, careful to keep my head on the sweater. He smiled again and grabbed my hand. I watched him and his gaze lifted up to the stars above. A content smile settled on his face. “They’re absolutely beautiful.” He murmured._

_“Yeah they are.” I wasn’t speaking about the stars. His gaze turned to me and I knew he was blushing. I couldn’t help it as I leaned over and kissed him. As I expected, he kissed back. It was full of love, and although we hadn’t told each other those words yet, we both knew how the other felt. I pulled back and just drank in his features. I could stare at this boy all day. He was a work of art and I was so lucky he was mine.”I love you”_

_“I love you too.”_

 

_**I close my eyes and see your face** _

_**Can feel the touch, can almost taste** _

_**Lie to myself that I'm okay** _

_**But the thought of you stops me** _

 

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when divorce papers ended up on my doorstep. A month had passed and although I had become a functional member of society again, I still wasn’t okay. This just reminded me that I wasn’t okay. I thought I could do this, but I couldn’t. The reality of never having Eren in my arms again hit me like a ton of bricks. There would be no making up. No fight that would lead to laughter as we came to the realization that we were being stupid. I would never be able to watch him sleep or hear him mutter I love you before sleep took him over. It was all crumbling down and i wasn’t okay with that.

 

**_I still love you darling_ **

**_With every inch of my heart_ **

**_Even when I don't want to,_ **

**_I still love you._ **

****

**_I still love you, darling_ **

**_I live and die by your side_ **

**_Even when you don't want to_ **

**_I still love you_ **

**_I still love you_ **

**_I still love you._ **

 

I stared at the house I knew all too well.  Memories full of love, laughter, and family ran through my head. I hadn’t been here in a while and being here now, It felt like I didn’t belong. With a shaky hand, I knocked on the wooden door. The door opened moments later and the surprise that crossed those brown eyes of my lover’s mother had me almost breaking down. Carla Yeager gave me a warm smile. I wish she hated me. I didn’t deserve her smile or welcoming hug. “He’s in his old room.” She said as she went back towards the kitchen. I got a glimpse of Mikasa. She didn’t bother to hide the death glare.

The walk up to Eren’s room was shorter than I remember. When we were dating, I could never get up here fast enough, now it was to short of a walk. Not enough time for me to process that I was about to see the love of my life again after a month of no communication. I stopped outside the door and took a deep breath. I could do this. I had to. I wasn’t about to let him walk out of my life.

 

 


	3. Possibly moving on?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren tries to go on with his life. Maybe his new co-worker can help with that.

It had been a month since I left the only person I could ever really love. A month that felt like a lifetime. The days were long now that I didn't have something to come home for, now that the happiness in my life was gone. Memories of my life with Levi danced in my head and I found myself wondering if it had all been a lie to him. When we first met, he had told me that he wasn't the dating type. Yet I had tried to break down the walls he loved to build around himself. I hadn't expected heartbreak in the end, but I should have seen it coming. I still felt myself wanting to believe that it was all some sick joke and that Levi would come back, promising me that he would never leave. I didn't hear the hesitant knock nor did it register that the source of my turmoil was walking in my room.

"Eren..." his voice brought fresh tears to my eyes. I hadn't heard it in days and I just wanted to drown in it. Of course I couldn’t. He wasn't mine and I wasn't his. Not anymore anyway. I felt the bed shift as he sat on the edge. I glanced at him. He looked as bad as I felt. My heart clenched in my chest. I never wanted to see Levi hurt. I lived for the rare moments when he would smile. Something he hardly did except around me. Although he always tried to look uninterested, he couldn't now. All I saw was sadness etched onto his features. I had to remind myself it was all a ploy. He didn’t love me.

"Did you sign them..." my voice cracked as I spoke. The divorce papers were the only reason he had to be here.

His figure stiffened and I almost felt bad for asking. “Do you want me to?” I didn’t expect the ice in his voice to make me flinch. People had always found Levi intimidating. Despite his short frame, he could make a person feel an inch tall. I was one of the only people who knew that he wasn’t as cold as people though he was. I’ve never been afraid of him. Not even when we fought and I pushed him too far. Right now I didn’t know what to feel. All I wanted was to feel safe in his arms again. Feel the beating of his heart against me.

“I wouldn’t have sent them if I didn’t want you to sign them.” Lie. Another lie to add to the rapidly growing list we had going on between us. It seemed that lying was all we could do now.  I looked away as his eyes met mine. He’d always known how to read me. I could never lie to him because he knew. He always knew. Still, I had to be as convincing as I could. I wanted to stop hurting. I needed to move on to something better. I needed this divorce. Otherwise I would go crawling back to him.

He studied me a bit more before standing up and walking to the door. He stopped before opening it. “I’m not signing them until I can look into your eyes, and see that you’re not lying to me. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad and I’m so fucking sorry. I hate myself for hurting you. I know sorry doesn’t cut it, and I will forever try to make it up to you. I’m going to try and fix this…as long as you still love me, I’m going to try and win you back. Even if it kills me.”  With that he walked out of the room, leaving me to process his words. He was willing to win me back. Even though something was wrong with me, something that made him be unfaithful. He still wanted me, and I hated how my heart clenched at the thought.

 

 

The smell of coffee was oh so very welcoming as I made my way to the back room. The café I worked for had been my safe haven the past three months.  I woke up, worked, went home and repeated the process. Hanji had been an angel and let me work more hours than usual. She had also taken to keeping the roses that somehow always ended up delivered to the café for me. I didn’t need to look to see who they were from.  I knew they were from Levi. He had kept to his word and kept trying to get me to talk to him. Every call and text was ignored. Every ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ was deleted from the screen and from my mind. Eventually I had to tell him that I needed space. I needed time to think if I wanted to continue being married to him. Part of me wanted to run into his arms. The other part of me knew that I had to at least try to move on. I needed to test if I could live without him or not, if I could go through the day not thinking about anything that had to do with him.

I pushed all thoughts of the raven haired man from my mind as I tired the apron around myself. Hanji owned Maria’s Café along with her boyfriend Moblit.  I had spent a lot of time in here. I used to come in all the time before I met Levi. So much that one day as I was ordering, the over energetic brunette had asked me if I wanted a job. I’d been here ever since and I couldn’t for the life of me leave.

“EREN!!” Hanji’s singsong voice shattered my thoughts. She had that gleam in her eye that never led to anything good.  “Eren honey I want you to meet our new recruit. “ She pulled a scared looking blonde up to me. He was looking at the ground and it looked like he was about to piss himself. “This is Armin. I want you to teach him everything. Everything.” Her voice took on her mad scientist vibe and I knew I had to intervene before she gave the poor brat a heart attack. Oh god, I was starting to sound like Levi.

 I shook my head and extended my arm out. Armin shook my hand. His grip was a lot stronger than I had thought. “Hi Armin. I’m Eren.” I smiled as his gaze lifted from the floor.

His blue eyes studied me before he gave a small smile. “Nice to meet you Eren. I look forward to learning a lot from you.”  It was said in the most innocent way, but my mind had to go in a whole different direction. Maybe it was the fact I hadn’t had sex in a few months. Maybe it was the fact that Armin was attractive and that I had a lot of pent up sexual frustration.

I felt the blush that made its way onto my face. Apparently it was contagious because Armin looked away sheepishly with his own face tinting red. Hanji thankfully broke the silence by clearing her throat. “Now that you have gotten introductions over with, training awaits.”

I nodded and led Armin into the back of the café.  He followed closely behind me and I took him on a tour of the kitchen and back rooms. He listened with interest to everything I had to say. His blue eyes took everything in and he asked questions that I happily answered. It was nice having someone to talk to. Someone who actually cared about what I had to say. My mind wandered back to the past months of my relationship. The months that led to its downfall. Levi had always seemed interested in what I had to say.  We would sit on the couch, his head resting in my lap as I talked about my day or whatever. He looked at me with so much love as I would play with his hair.  I was too lost in my thoughts, that I didn’t notice that Armin was staring at me with a confused expression. “Umm, what?”

“I asked if you were okay. You kind of just spaced out.”

“Oh. Uh, yeah. I’m fine. Just thinking about something.”

He nodded. “So do you wanna maybe hang out after work? I just moved here and I don’t know my way around. Plus it would be nice to make a friend.”

“Sure. That sounds awesome. I need to leave my house anyway. My mom’s fed up with me doing nothing but laying in bed. I’m scared she might make me pay rent if I don’t become a productive member of society.”  I couldn’t help but smile as Armin’s eyes lit up. The crystal blue of his eyes could never live up to the perfect storm that lived in Levi’s, but they were still pretty. Definitely had more emotion. “I can show you where all the best restaurant’s are.  Oh and don’t let me forget the best ice cream you will ever have. “


	4. Start of the End?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i know this is way past due but...here it is.

“Levi!!!” The annoying voice of four eyes pierced the silence of the cafe. I groaned and made my way up to the counter. “What can I get for my little munchkin?”

 

“Call me that again and I’ll kick your ass.”

 

The demented woman just laughed. “Oh Levi, you’re such a cutie. I’m still mad at you though.” Her voice turned serious as she fixed me with a glare.

 

“I’m pretty pissed at myself too, if you haven’t noticed.  Is he here?” I glanced around the café, hoping Eren was here.

 

“He just left with his boyfriend.”

 

My gaze snapped back to her. “His what?! We’re still fucking married!”

 

Hanji shook her head and placed a hand on my shoulder. “He’s moving on Levi. Maybe you should too? I mean you did cheat on the poor boy. “I could feel my breathing becoming labored.

 

“I didn’t fucking cheat on him!”  The thought of Eren moving on was too much. I was losing him fast and there was no way to stop it. No way to keep him in my life. I turned on my heel and stormed out of the building, Hanji calling after me, but I ignored her. I needed to get out of there. I needed to go home and hide under the covers again. I needed Eren but I wouldn’t have him anymore. It was over and I had no one to blame but myself.

 

Before I knew it, I was standing at an apartment door I hadn’t been to in awhile. Banging on the door, I waited for the owner to come out. As soon as those bushy eyebrows came into view, I lost it. My fist connected with his face.

 

“Levi!” He grabbed my arm before I could swing at him again. I tried to get free, but he was so much bigger. “Calm down.”

 

“Let me go you mother fucker!” I tried pulling away again, only to end up pinned to the wall. “Let me go! You ruined everything! I hate you! Fuck you Erwin. Fuck you!”  He only stared down at me as I took all my anger out on him. “Fuck you…” my voice broke and with that I started sobbing.  He released his hold on me and I fell to the ground.

 

“Get off the ground Levi. Come on.” He tried to help me up, with no avail. My body had gone numb and I just wanted to stay on the floor with the dirt. It was where I belonged anyway.  

 

“Levi…”

 

“He’s gone. He moved on…I couldn’t win him back…” my sobs got stronger and my body shook. Images of Eren swam through my head. His smile, his laugh, his everything, I would never get it back.

 

Erwin sat next to me on the floor. “I’m sure if you just talked to him…Told him it was my fault.”

 

_It had been another late night at work. Erwin was watching the cash register while I cleaned the place up. Nile, our manager, was being a prick again and making us stay late again. He had been doing it for months before I finally snapped. It had gotten to the point where the overworking had put a strain on my marriage. Eren though I was cheating on him because my manager was a prick. It ended with a fight and me almost getting fired, but eventually he let up on the overworking. That had been a few months ago, and Nile was again making me pull twelve hour shifts._

_“I’m seriously going to quit if he makes me do this for much longer. He’s lucky I need the money. Fucking bastard.”_

_“No one told you to take Eren to France Levi.”_

_“I wanted to do something special for our anniversary this year. I thought taking him home would be a good idea…” I hadn’t been back to France since I was younger. I had no need too. My family had moved to the states and only some distant relatives lived back in Paris. Eren wanted to see the world though. He loved when I talked about my hometown. I really wanted to introduce him to it. Unfortunately, that meant working long ass shifts to get the cash._

_Erwin looked up from the book he was reading. Working nights had a perk. No one in their right mind would come in this late. Me and Erwin could essentially do whatever. “Aren’t you ever the romantic.”_

_“Shut it Eyebrows.” Erwin just laughed. The blond and I had known each other since we were twelve and my family moved here. He had stuck by me through everything and I couldn’t ask for a better friend.  I knew Erwin had a thing for me. He hadn’t been too thrilled when he found out I was getting married, but he had stood by me. Sure he was attractive and I did love him, but I didn’t love him in the way he wanted. He knew that and I was grateful that he had let it go. I couldn’t picture ever loving anyone besides my brat. The door to the shop opened and in came our replacements. I internally yelled hallelujah and went to clock the fuck out. Erwin followed me out and towards our cars.  “I’ll see you later.”_

_“Levi wait.” I turned to look up at the taller man. He looked like he wanted to say something. “Have a good night.”_

_I couldn’t help the smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Before I could turn away, his lips were on mine. I was too shocked to move. Too shocked to notice that my husband was watching._

 

“He won’t fucking talk to me!”

 

“Then make him listen. You’re good and making people do what you want. Why is he any different?”

 

Something in me snapped. “ He’s not like them. He’s…I love him. Do you not understand that? I love him and I would never force him to do anything. I’m not going to scare him into submission. “ I stood from the floor and headed in the way I came. I had to go home before I broke Erwin’s fucking face.

 

I found myself back at the empty apartment. I went straight to our bedroom…Correction, my bedroom.  It was the same as I left it. Blankets bunched onto the floor, clothes scattered around. I wasn’t in the mood to clean. I groaned and lay back down on the bed. It was cold but I didn’t have the energy to grab a cover from the floor.  It was going to be a long day. I couldn’t help running my thumb across the gold band on my ring finger.

 

_The first time we met wasn’t anything grand. It wasn’t love at first sight or any romantic bullshit like that. Jean was throwing another party and Marco had dragged Hanji along, who then dragged me along.  I wasn’t the social type and Jean was one of the last people I would willingly hang out with. He was too conceited and obnoxious. To put it simply, he was a brat. At least I could find someone and get laid._

 

_Bright blue-green eyes drew my attention all too quickly. I hadn’t seen anyone with eyes like his, eyes that I would be happy to drown in for the night. The smile that graced his features could put angels to shame. I wanted him squirming underneath me. By the way his smile turned into a smirk, he wanted me just as much. Before I knew it, he had made his way over to me. “Hi I’m Eren.”_

 

_“Levi.”_

 

_“So Levi, wanna get out of here?”_

 

_“Definitely.”_

 

_ That night had been one of the best nights I've had in years.   _


	5. Fallout

_**“An empty room,** _

_**I'm empty too** _

_**And everything reminds me of you** _

_**So many things** _

_**I shouldn't have missed** _

_**The more that I push** _

_**And the more you resist** _

_**It's easy to say it's for the best** _

_**When you want more** _

_**While you leave me with less”** _

I groaned at the sun hit me in the face. Somehow I had forgotten to close the curtains again. “Levi. Window.” I whined as I pulled the blankets over my head. The peace didn’t last long though. Usually Levi would have grumbled some remark before turning over and burying his face in my neck. Reaching my hand out, I instantly remembered. Levi wasn’t here. He hadn’t been in awhile. Not since I left the apartment and moved back in with my parents.  It had been months and I still woke up wanting him to be there next to me.  Slowly I removed myself from my bed. Laying there sulking had become too painful since all I wanted was for strong arms to hold me and tell me it was okay. Tell me that it had all been a horrible dream and that he was mine forever.

I made my way downstairs, following the smell of pancakes. “Morning sweetie.” My mother smiled at me and I smiled back. My mother was one of the only people who could make me happy when I was down.

“Eren.” My father gave me a small smile from where he sat at the table.

“Morning mom. Morning dad.” I made myself a cup of coffee and went to sit on the couch. The couch had become my favorite place these past months.  When I wasn’t working, I found myself sitting here and crying as I watched romance movies. I admit it was one of my lowest moments, but who could blame me.

Soon I was alone in the house. My parents at work and Mika off at school.  It was going to be another long day. Maybe I could pick up a shift at the café. I knew Armin was working so I couldn’t hang out with him. It was nice having someone to talk to that wasn’t associated with Levi. Hanji liked to make fun of us, saying we were a cute couple and what not, but honestly, I couldn’t see myself ever having another relationship. It was too emotional and I don’t think I could get my heart broken again.

 

_**“I know you're fine, but what do I do?** _

_**I know you're fine, but what do I do?** _

__

_**I'm awake, and trying** _

_**While you're sleeping like a babe** _

_**Beside him** _

_**I'm on the ledge while you're so** _

_**God damn polite and composed** _

_**And I know you see me,** _

_**And you're making it look so easy** _

_**What comes and goes,** _

_**I'd go without”** _

__

Levi’s probably already moved on. My eyes closed as I shook the thought away. Levi had always been the stronger one. He always knew what to do even when everything was falling apart. He was probably having a blast with Captain America. No matter the situation, Levi always came out fine. Everyone thought he was heartless, but I knew the truth. He didn’t want people to think he was weak, so he held it all in until he could move on. Even if he did still love me, he would soon be over it.

It took everything in me, not to imagine the blonde who stole my lover’s heart. It wasn’t fair that he got to wake up next to Levi and do everything I used to be able to do. What made it worse was, I was falling apart and Levi just looked as fine as ever. Sure I’d ignored all his attempts at contacting me, but from what I had read, he was as composed as ever. Sure after a while some of them had become a little more anger filled, but he still held the same composure.

_“Yeah you said "Hey."_

_And since that day_

_You stole my heart_

_And you're the one to blame”_

The song pierced through the silence and my body stiffened. I knew who it was before I even looked at my phone. Only one person had that ringtone. Levi.  The name lit up the screen and I couldn’t stop myself from swiping the little green button.

“Hello?” I cringed at how my voice cracked. I needed to show him I was fine without him.

“Eren…”  My eyes closed and I felt myself relax for the first time in months. I hadn’t heard his voice in so long and I forgot how much I loved the way my name sounded.  “You answered. “  his words were slurred and I frowned.

“Levi…Are you drunk?”                                                   

He chuckled. “It’s kinda how I spend my nights. Helps me sleep.”

“Go sleep it off. I’m not talking to you while you’re drunk.”

“You won’t talk to me at all. I’ve tried a million fucking times and you won’t listen.” He was angry and I needed to hang up now. This had been a bad idea. I shouldn’t have answered. “Why won’t you listen? Was I such a horrible husband that I deserve to suffer like this! Fuck you Eren. And don’t even get me started on that mushroom you’re fucking. We’re still fucking married, but obviously you don’t care about me. Maybe you never fucking did.”

The whole time I felt myself getting angrier and angrier. Talking about Armin made me snap. “ I’m not the one who fucking cheated. I’m not the one who came home later and later because he was fucking a giant. So don’t even go there. “

“I wasn’t  fucking a giant. God Eren, just listen to me for one goddamn second.”

“No Levi. There’s nothing to listen to.  You could have left me or anything, but cheating. If you loved me like you say you do. You would have fought for me. Not cheated on me like some whore.”

I ended the call before he could say anything.  The tears started to fall and I broke down on the couch.

 

The couch is how Mikasa found me an hour later. The tears had long since stopped and the only evidence that i had been crying, were the tear stains. She gave me one look before shaking her head and heading to her room. She had never really liked Levi. Always said we had rushed into this and that i could have found someone better. Perhaps she was right.

 

Later that evening, you could find me laying in bed again. I didn't really have much to do in life now. My friends were all friends with levi and i  want them to ask how i was or tell me how levi was. It was obvious the raven wasn't faring too well. My heart ached as my mind returned to him. I remember when his mother died. We'd been married for five months when she got sick. It all happened so fast. The doctors hadn't detected the cancer until it was too late. Six months later and she was on her death bed. I clearly remember how levi had broken down. His mother had been his everything. She had raised him alone and even though they  didn't have much money, she had always tried to get him everything he wanted.  He'd gone trough hell back then. He drank until he passed out almost every night and I couldn't do anything to help. Levi had never been that heavy of a drinker except when he was trying to drown away the heartbreak. Heartbreak that I had caused. No. He brought this on himself. I was heartbroken, probably more than he was. He deserved to suffer as much as I was.

  


**_“Well now there's him,_ **

**_And now there's me_ **

**_The secrets you give_ **

**_And the secrets you keep_ **

**_And nevertheless_ **

**_It's never you let_ **

**_The more that I give_ **

**_And the less that I get_ **

**_Don't tell me to fight,_ **

**_To fight for you_ **

**_After this long, I shouldn't have to”_ **

**Levi**

I took another swig from the bottle of Jack in my hands. I knew he should be pissed that Eren had hung up on me, but I didn't have it in me to care. The alcohol in my system was making sure of that, masking the pain of heartbreak with artificial peace. A peace that was shattered as the read head came storming into the apartment.

"Levi..." Isabel shook her head in disappointment. Usually I would care what she thinks of me. She'd been my closest friend since elementary school. She was my sister and looked up to me. And here I was making a perfect example of why I was a shitty role model.

"Isabel. Why are you here?" Another swig.                                               

She reached for the bottle and successfully pulled it from my grasp. Not that I was trying that hard to keep a hold of it anyway.

"I've had enough of this Levi. You want to get Eren back, you're gonna need to try. I mean actually try. Not just send him gifts. You will get on your knees and beg if you have too. I hate seeing you like this."

It was sweet that she cared but it didn’t help. Eren was in pain but at the same time, it sounded like he was moving on. He had that blonde mushroom to love him better than I could. I’d never opened up to anyone like I had opened up to him . I hadn’t believed in love until he came into my life. He wanted me to fight for him, and I had all these years. How he couldn’t see that was beyond me, but even so, I shouldn’t have to fight for him after doing so for so long.

**_“I know you're fine, but what do I do?_ **

**_I know you're fine, but what do I do?_ **

**_I'm awake, and trying_ **

**_While you're sleeping like a babe_ **

**_Beside him_ **

**_I'm on the ledge while you're so_ **

**_God damn polite and composed_ **

**_And I know you see me,_ **

**_And you're making it look so easy_ **

**_What comes and goes,_ **

**_I'd go without”_ **

"He won't listen. He hates me." I turned away from her and tried to get off the couch. Tried is the key word here. As soon as I was vertical, the world started to sway and I found myself ungracefully falling on my ass. The last time I had seen Eren, he’d been leaving with Armin. It took all of me not to beat the living shit out of Armin. I was broken beyond repair and Eren still looked like an Angel. I knew he was hurt, but for a second I could pretend it was all alright.

**_“I know you're fine but what about_ **

**_(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout_ **

**_Through the Fallout_ **

**_(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout)”_ **

 

I heard a sigh and then arms were pulling me up. "I swear you would be face down in a ditch if it wasn't for me." She set me down on the couch again. "If he won't listen, then you have to make him. Corner him and yell until he finally gets it through his skull that you fucked up and that you are sorry."

"I can't force him..."                                                                                                                                                                   

"If you want him back, you have to make him listen. But for now...you need a shower and sleep. Damn big bro." She helped me on to my feet and up to the bedroom. She stopped at the entrance and shook her head. "Sleep. Shower tomorrow so I can also put your shit in the wash." She helped me into bed and I grasped Eren's pillow.

_**” I know you're fine but what about** _

_**(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout** _

_**Through the Fallout** _

_**(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout)** _

__

_**I know you're fine but what if I** _

_**(Fallout)** _

_**I'm awake, and trying** _

_**While you're sleeping like a babe** _

_**Beside him (Fallout)** _

_**I'm on the ledge while you're so** _

_**God damn polite and composed** _

__

_**(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout** _

_**Through the Fallout** _

_**(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout** _

_**Through the Fallout** _

_**(Fallout) FALLOUT (fallout)** _

_**FALLOUT”** _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song:Fallout by Marianas Trench


End file.
